A young woman with dark hair, wearing a white shirt, sitting at a wooden table in a cafe, looking at a book with a smile. There is a croissant on a plate and a cup of coffee on the table. Green plants and wooden furniture are in the background.

Therapy for Asian American Women in Los Angeles

who are tired of feeling like they have to be perfect to be enough.

LET'S TALK
A woman with glasses, sitting on a rug on the floor, waving and smiling at her laptop on a small wooden table. She is in a cozy living room with a gray sofa, a round mirror on the wall, a red cushion, and a window with curtains.

Online Therapy in Los Angeles and across California

You live every day on repeat, but from time to time, you make a mistake that really sets you back. You beat yourself up over it repeatedly and just can’t seem to move past it. Where does this come from?

It comes from your childhood, where your parents pressured you to be perfect all the time. If you made mistakes, you were disciplined. You admittedly were afraid of being disciplined, so you made sure to appease your parents as much as possible.

Now, as an adult, you notice that you feel really sad. You’re questioning everything and wondering if this is even something you’re capable of changing, since it feels like this is just who you are at your core. You wish there was a way to accept yourself and feel better about your actions, including your mistakes. Other people seem to treat themselves with compassion and let go of things so easily. How?

And underneath it all…

You notice your friends and loved ones praising you and wanting to celebrate your “achievements,” when realistically, it was just something that had to get done. Nothing miraculous, just what was expected of you. You find yourself wondering how other people get so excited about the small things they’ve completed when, to you, it simply feels like another requirement. In reflecting on this, you realize you don’t think you’ve ever truly felt proud of yourself for anything you’ve done. To you, it feels like you’re simply doing what you have to do to survive, succeed, or appear successful to others.

It feels embarrassing to admit, but when others openly talk about their feelings - using emotional language that doesn’t even exist in your own vocabulary - you begin to wonder why expressing yourself feels so difficult. When people ask how you’re doing, it’s always a simple, positive response:
“I’m doing great.” or  “I’m doing well.”

Meanwhile, inside, you carry a heaviness you can’t even fully put into words.

Growing up, you were taught to “suck it up” and push through things. Feelings weren’t really expressed in your home, and anything negative was often immediately shut down. It felt unacceptable. And as silly as it may sound, now, as an adult, it almost feels like all of those buried emotions are finally catching up to you. You feel like you’re heading toward burnout - or even worse, like you might explode.

And maybe the hardest part of all of this is the constant feeling that you are still not enough.

Andrea Vander Hyde, LMFT

Therapist in Los Angeles, California

Specializing in high-achieving Asian American women who are seeking change

No matter how much you accomplish.
No matter how responsible you are.
No matter how hard you push yourself.

You still find yourself wondering:
“What will it finally take for me to feel like I am good enough?”

Let’s explore:

  • Why your nervous system reacts the way it does

  • How to feel safer expressing your needs and emotions

  • How to break free from patterns that no longer serve you

Contact me at (424) 276-0831 for your free 15-minute phone consultation.

Reviews

“Very big THANKS for all the help you've given me in our previous sessions. Seriously, it has already made such a big difference and talking to you has been like talking to a friend!”

"I am so grateful for all the work we have done and for your questions that got my wheels turning. You are going to make such a positive impact on all you will serve in your career."

"The world is so lucky to have you amongst its healers. You are truly a gift and you will continue to make a difference in so many people's lives - as you have helped me immensely. For that I thank you wholeheartedly."

"I was nervous about seeing someone as I'm a therapist myself. I am forever grateful to have had you as my therapist. You have been fantastic in the last 10 months!"

A woman sitting at a wooden table working on a laptop, with a large vase of pink and green flowers nearby, against a plain white wall.

Questions Asian American Women Often Ask Before Starting Therapy

  • No. While I specialize in working with Asian American women, you do not need to be Asian American to benefit from therapy with me.

    Many of the concerns I help clients with - such as perfectionism, anxiety, people-pleasing, relationship struggles, and low self-worth - can affect people from all backgrounds. My focus on Asian American women reflects a particular passion and area of expertise, but I welcome clients who feel connected to my approach and believe I may be a good fit for their needs.

  • Many people assume that confidence comes from achievement. Unfortunately, that's not always how self-worth works.

    If you learned early in life that love, approval, or acceptance were tied to performance, success may never feel like enough because the underlying belief remains unchanged. Instead of feeling proud of your accomplishments, you may find yourself immediately focusing on the next goal, mistake, or area where you fall short.

    Therapy can help you understand these patterns, challenge the belief that your worth depends on what you accomplish, and develop a more stable sense of self-worth from within.

  • Perfectionism often develops as a way of seeking approval, avoiding criticism, or feeling safe. While striving for excellence can be a strength, perfectionism can also create constant pressure, self-criticism, anxiety, and a fear of making mistakes.

    In therapy, we can explore where these patterns came from, how they may be affecting your life and relationships, and how to build a healthier sense of self-worth that isn't dependent on achievement or performance. The goal isn't to lower your standards, it's to help you feel less controlled by them.

  • Every person's experience is unique, but many Asian American women grow up navigating high expectations, pressure to succeed, strong family obligations, and messages about putting others' needs before their own.

    As a result, many struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, low self-worth, burnout, and challenges in romantic relationships. Some may also feel caught between cultural values, family expectations, and their own personal goals.

    Therapy can provide a space to explore these experiences, better understand yourself, and develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.

  • Cultural values can offer a sense of connection, identity, and belonging. At the same time, some individuals may experience stress when they feel pressure to meet expectations around achievement, family roles, emotional expression, or responsibility to others.

    For some Asian American women, this can contribute to anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or feeling disconnected from their own needs.

    Therapy provides a space to explore these experiences without judgment and to find ways of honoring both your values and your well-being.

  • Yes. Therapy can help you build the skills to set boundaries in a clear, grounded way while also working through the guilt that often shows up afterward.

    For many people, guilt is not a sign that a boundary is “wrong,” but a learned response tied to old roles, expectations, or fears about disappointing others. In therapy, you can learn to notice that guilt without automatically letting it override your needs. Over time, boundaries start to feel less like something you have to “justify” and more like a natural part of taking care of yourself and your relationships.

Online Therapy

I see my clients virtually through a secure, HIPAA compliant platform. I provide therapy online to anyone residing in the state of California.

 

Ready to stop shrinking and start healing?

You've spent long enough putting everyone else's needs first. I offer a free 15-minute consultation so you can get a feel for whether we're a good fit. No pressure, No commitment. If I'm not the right therapist for you, I'll help you find someone who is.

Call or reach out today: (424) 276-0831